WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START LETTING GO
One of these days you must begin teaching your kids to be on their own. In Bible times thirteen year olds were considered responsible adults…
Roman boys were the companions of their fathers at age 6 or 7. During the middle ages German youths were freed their fathers’ authority when they were of age to bear arms age 12 or 13.
ADOLESCENCE IS UNIQUE TO OUR CULTURE
During those adolescence years it is most important that you teach your kids responsibility. If mom does everything for Junior then Junior will not learn how to do it on his own. If Dad pays for all the insurance and gas for the car and doesn’t require his son to do his share of work around the house then his son will not learn the value of money and hard work.
My son Joel the cub scouts this year. A few months ago he got a little board with some of the meetings and didn’t want to go. I told him he must complete the year because he made a commitment.
When your child graduates from high school have you prepared him ?
WHAT TO DO WITH THE EMPTY NEST ?
This time of the year parents are preparing for the empty nest as their kids graduate from High school and college. It is especially devastating when your first or last child leaves home.
We need to begin preparing our kids for independence at an early age and parents need to prepare for the empty nest as well.
When I was graduating from High school and College, I wanted to be independent but also wanted to know my parents were always there. Being able to visit home at any time was important to me.
Sometimes you as a parent have done all you can and sometimes all you now can do is wait and pray as your kids leave the nest to sow their wild oats. Remember the prodigal son…his father let his son go and later found him returning a changed kid…
If you and your mate have centered your family around God and have trained your kids according to the Word of God, the empty nest syndrome will not be so critical.
HOW FAR SHOULD A PARENT GO IN “LETTING GO” OF HIS TEEN?
When it comes to letting go of your teen, how far should you really go? As your teenager matures he wants more freedom and you should be giving him more with each year of his life. But kids, even in their late teens want some security of guidance from their parents. During the late teen years, decisions which are going to affect their entire life are being made.
During your teen’s earlier years, he has gotten basic training from you. He should be able to make a lot of his own decisions based on those principles. But he still needs mom and dad to direct him lovingly as he picks vocation, his college, etc.
Swallow your pride and be willing to talk on a grown up level, making communication both ways. This is called “open communication”. Make suggestions and discuss! Don’t dictate!
Be willing to make trips to different colleges to check them out with him. And pray with him about his decisions!
Remember you want to give your kids the freedom they have been working towards all these years, but they still need their very own cheerleading team and that is mom and dad!
WHY DO PARENTS HAVE A HARD TIME LETTING GO OF THEIR KIDS?
You as a parent need to begin to teach your children independence at an age he or she can take on responsibility. By age 10 your kids should be teachable in this area. Begin to give them little jobs and allow them to prove themselves. If they pass the test then give them bigger ones.
We bought our oldest son a rabbit many years ago. It seems like we are forever telling him to feed and water his rabbit…telling him to clean his rabbit cage. When we leave town it is his responsibility to find a friend or neighbor to watch the rabbit. When he learns this responsibility we can move him on to greater responsibilities.Letting go is one of the most difficult tasks a parent has…
Letting go is hard for several reasons 1. Sometimes parents enjoy having power and authority.
2. You don’t want to face the fact that you kids are growing up.
3. Parents sometimes have an emotional attachment to their kids and a emotional separation from their mate. Many couples divorce after the last child leaves the nest because the kids were their only bond.
4. Many parents fear their kids will fail on their own.
If you are centering your family around God and His Word and have a close bond between you and your mate…letting go will not be so difficult.
HOW TO GET YOUR CHILDREN TO LEAVE THE NEST?
We are living in a day and age where many young people in their late teens early twenties or even thirties who have not left home. The child has been so spoiled and has not learned responsibility and consequently doesn’t won’t go to school or get a full time job.
Sometimes we must be like eagles and kick our kids out of the nest. This is what I call tough love…. I do realize there circumstances in which a kid must stay at home, but that should be the exception rather than the rule.
Sometimes an older child, a 17 or 18 years old, is incorrigible and is a bad example to the other younger kids….for the sake of the other children the oldest should live elsewhere.
Your home should always be just that a home for your kids at any age to come to but not to permanently reside.
When parents begin teaching their kids responsibility and independence in their early teenage years then leaving the nest time will be a smooth transition. I can remember my parents talking about my going to college when I was quite young. I began to think and plan for that day years before the day actually arrived.